Life's uncertainties

First of all, I should NOT have taken so long without posting. I have thought of doing so several times, but was not able to concentrate and just do it.

Talking to a friend yesterday I realized how much I hate life's uncertainties. Will I live in Rio for the rest of my life or will I move out? If I'm going someplace else, where and WHEN? That matter alone involves many many other doubts such as: should I get a girlfriend (because if I'm not staying, I don't want to get attached to anyone right now), should I settle where I live (I never felt like this is where I am going to live, even after 30 months living in this apartment), will I still work at the boys and girls scout group as a volunteer, should I be learning/practicing another language, am I on the right career path or should I be doing something else?

I wish I could stop worrying so much and just live what's going on right NOW. I could never do that... And that is exactly the peace I always look for. No worries, just feeling right where I stand. I know how good that is because I've felt this in short moments, but there's been quite sometime since I've felt like this. And I need it BAD right now. Peace.

As my mind won't shut the frak up, I could be writting tons of things, regarding an infinity of subjects, but I think I should start with what's going on these days and has been bothering me, making me consider even harder the possibility of being on the wrong career track.

I work as a Consultant and that means working with a team. I've been having trouble with this one co-worker and it's not "just a grudge". Things are getting worse by the day and we've been arguing a LOT. My father said last Saturday "you're a troublemaker, you're getting in too much trouble all the time". Let me just say the author of that phase is definetly not an example of good behaviour.

But that got me thinking... Is it true? Do I seek trouble wherever I go/work? Then I started analyzing every group experience I've had in the past and... I'm usually the one that gets along with EVERYONE. Everybody has their small group of friends, but I usually make friends with all these groups. I've had some extraordinary feedbacks on my teamwork so... Could this thing that's happening now be MY fault?

I admit I'm not the most patient person when it comes to work. If I think something is taking too long, it's not being done objectively, I take ownership and do it myself. Usually people like it. Less work for them. But this girl... She wants to do the whole work, to understand every single detail of the job and that is GOOD! I'd have someone to rely on whenever I got late or had to miss work. But she's... slow. And that makes me impatient. She holds the whole team back and I end up losing my patience and avoiding any direct work with her. That causes her to get pissed off and start yelling at me. YELLING. That's not a behavior to have in the workplace. So I lose patience with her and vice versa. So... we argue.

The project manager knows the girl is giving us all much trouble and making the work harder, but she won't take her off the team. So the question on my mind is... should I ask to change teams? Tricky part: this manager is the person who single handedly can help me move out to Canada and fulfill my year's goals.

Tough decision.

2011 shaping up

Hello, everyone(??)!!

The year began a bit confusing, specially with respect to the apartment issue. I checked lots of ads and visited one apartment last Monday. It was so crappy that made me think and realize I can't afford a bigger apartment and the ones as big as mine are reeeeeeeeally bad and old. Long story short, I can't find any place better and cheaper than the one I current live in. So I called the owner and discussed my contract and we made an agreement: I can stay there for as long as I want (just need to give a 30-day notice whenever I intend to move out) and the rent will be a bit higher (even so, it will still be cheaper than the others I've seen).

Sooooooo, I'm not moving out. But, in order to stand living there, I've decided to make some improvements like fixing door knob, installing air-conditioner, buying some plants, etc. The only problem is... my sister is now pissed off at me because I am not helping her. I reeeally want to, but I don't make enough money to pay all HER bills. Her standards are too damn high and she won't settle for less like I constantly do.

That means... Goal #1 complete in 5 days.

Now I'll focus on the number inside the parenthesis (130). That is the kilograms I need to be weighting by the end of the month. I started the year weighting 140Kg. Yes, that is a lot.

I will make the adjustments on my apartment until Sunday and starting then I'll start cooking and bringing lunch to work so I only eat healthy food and achieve the paralel goal.

Also, I'll try compleating goal #2 still in January. But that's for me to comment on the next post only.

I hope you (??) had a good start in 2011! By the way... If you read the posts, leave a comment!

Bu-bye!