Life's uncertainties

First of all, I should NOT have taken so long without posting. I have thought of doing so several times, but was not able to concentrate and just do it.

Talking to a friend yesterday I realized how much I hate life's uncertainties. Will I live in Rio for the rest of my life or will I move out? If I'm going someplace else, where and WHEN? That matter alone involves many many other doubts such as: should I get a girlfriend (because if I'm not staying, I don't want to get attached to anyone right now), should I settle where I live (I never felt like this is where I am going to live, even after 30 months living in this apartment), will I still work at the boys and girls scout group as a volunteer, should I be learning/practicing another language, am I on the right career path or should I be doing something else?

I wish I could stop worrying so much and just live what's going on right NOW. I could never do that... And that is exactly the peace I always look for. No worries, just feeling right where I stand. I know how good that is because I've felt this in short moments, but there's been quite sometime since I've felt like this. And I need it BAD right now. Peace.

As my mind won't shut the frak up, I could be writting tons of things, regarding an infinity of subjects, but I think I should start with what's going on these days and has been bothering me, making me consider even harder the possibility of being on the wrong career track.

I work as a Consultant and that means working with a team. I've been having trouble with this one co-worker and it's not "just a grudge". Things are getting worse by the day and we've been arguing a LOT. My father said last Saturday "you're a troublemaker, you're getting in too much trouble all the time". Let me just say the author of that phase is definetly not an example of good behaviour.

But that got me thinking... Is it true? Do I seek trouble wherever I go/work? Then I started analyzing every group experience I've had in the past and... I'm usually the one that gets along with EVERYONE. Everybody has their small group of friends, but I usually make friends with all these groups. I've had some extraordinary feedbacks on my teamwork so... Could this thing that's happening now be MY fault?

I admit I'm not the most patient person when it comes to work. If I think something is taking too long, it's not being done objectively, I take ownership and do it myself. Usually people like it. Less work for them. But this girl... She wants to do the whole work, to understand every single detail of the job and that is GOOD! I'd have someone to rely on whenever I got late or had to miss work. But she's... slow. And that makes me impatient. She holds the whole team back and I end up losing my patience and avoiding any direct work with her. That causes her to get pissed off and start yelling at me. YELLING. That's not a behavior to have in the workplace. So I lose patience with her and vice versa. So... we argue.

The project manager knows the girl is giving us all much trouble and making the work harder, but she won't take her off the team. So the question on my mind is... should I ask to change teams? Tricky part: this manager is the person who single handedly can help me move out to Canada and fulfill my year's goals.

Tough decision.